Our social lives and relationships are faced with a number of challenges; especially when a major decision is supposed to be made.
On Wednesday, March 9, we published, on our Facebook page – Standard Digital – a relationship dilemma by a man who suspects his wife could be seeing someone else because she changed her fashion recently.
I’m Steve from Nairobi.
I have an issue with my wife, 39, wearing revealing clothes.
We’ve been married for 7 years now, and she’s been a good wife all this while.
However, of late she’s developed a habit of wearing clothes that reveal her anatomy. She is tall and curvy.
In previous years, she’d vowed that no man would ever see her physique in tight clothes other than me. That promise appears to have faded.
When I ask her why she’s wearing the clothes, she accuses me of being too traditional, insecure and controlling.
What should I do? Could it be that she is seeing someone else?
Pauline Njoroge: Stop being insecure. Maybe she has just changed her sense of fashion. Stop overthinking it and appreciate her. Appreciate those curves.
Erick Ochieng: Impregnate her, there is no offence. (Pea hio gaidi mimba iko nini bwana)
Mwalimu Katebes Kibet: That is a red flag in your marriage. I am sure she also has her side of the story. Have a candid talk with her and keep praying for your marriage. Remember out where things are not rosy.
Velma Kadiori: Dear Mr Man, as much as it might be painful, please be advised that your wife is seeing someone else. Thank you.
Evaline Ngugi: Stop being insecure and support her. Buy her more clothes as such and you will be a happy man. Nothing to worry about
Erwin Einstein: Seven years in marriages and relationships is a critical time… Apply Agape, talk to your wife, and pray for stability in your family. It’s only a storm that will fade away sooner in Jesus’ Name.
Joseph Koberi: Steve, kindly seek advice from the right person eg spiritual dad, your elderly friend and even a brother or brethren. The idlers who are now advising you here will not help you. Some of them are single and divorced and to be such a people are just but noisemakers on such issues.
Florence Knight: Dear Mr, times have changed, you cannot judge her from what she puts on, she’s just seeking your attention, nothing to worry about, appreciate her, be positive.
Grace Asher Choka: She is looking for attention which you seem not to be giving her, the reason she terms you traditional and controlling. Marriage should be “all under one roof” how? only God the Author Can Grace us to be so. Your spouse should not receive that which you cannot give from outside. Most of the things we ought to give in marriage are generally free. If you look closely, you will realize you can afford to give it to her!!
Valyne Ombori: Well, have you been a good husband? Did you give her a reason to do anything outside your marriage? Times and seasons change for women, sometimes I can wear a Dera to any occasion. Just ensure that the communication in your marriage is still open, you can talk to each other and have an understanding, that way you won’t come to us with petty issues like dressing. We have bigger issues to address
Dr Karatu Kiemo is a sociologist and lecturer at the University of Nairobi.
In the last decade, the Kenyan fashion industry has been characterised by a relatively high degree of body exposure.
While some men have taken into sagging, some women have taken into the exposure of cleavage.
Body exposure is not new in time and culture. Sometime in the 1970s, miniskirts were the fashion. Visit Turkana, Pokot or coastal areas and you will be treated to bare-chested women.
All this should tell you that the appropriateness of dressing is largely in our minds. If we liberate our minds, we will see no evil. That doesn’t mean that there cannot be evil.
Evil is usually well ‘dressed’. He or she can cheat on you while in the church choir, or with the gardener. Your wife promised that she would never reveal her morphology to other men.
Such promises are similar to marriage vows including ‘to love in health and in sickness.
In the real world, our vows may change as we interact with other people and with changing circumstances.
Today, if your wife keeps the promise of never dressing up in a body revealing manner, she may be the only one in her circle of friends at the workplace and in many other social spaces.
So let her enjoy the fashion she likes. If it is inappropriate to you, you have already done what you could, which is to raise it with her.
Now that she has transferred the problem to you by claiming that you are traditional, insecure and controlling, I think it’s better to live by the principle that if you want to change the world, start by changing yourself.
By liberating her, you will be liberating yourself. If she is seeing someone else, you need another kind of evidence and solution.